Transform Your Relationships with the Chrysalis

For almost two decades, I refused to give out instructions for doing the Chrysalis until after people had tried it. Nobody—and that includes you—literally nobody can understand the impact of this method from reading it. So please try it out. You will be pleasantly surprised by how it surpasses any expectations that you have.

The best way I can describe the effects of the Chrysalis is to try to get you to remember the most centered, happy, and wise state of mind you have ever experienced. Now imagine that for a solid hour or two, everything you say comes from that centered, happy, and wise state. Imagine that in addition, everything that that other people say comes directly from that wise part of their minds.

Finally, imagine that for the entire hour, everyone in the room is listening from that amazingly rare state of mind. What comes out of that true meeting of minds is entirely beyond your experience—at least, most of the time.

The Chrysalis transforms communication in groups of two to seven people. Use it to find wisdom about a problem, resolve conflicts, create a vision for the future, or clarify relationship issues.

Optional Materials: Obtain a chime that produces a long, clear sound. While any chime will work, Google “meditation bar chime” to find a variety of chimes that run from $10 to $20 in price. This is not necessary, but I always use one because the clean, clear sound seems to help everyone who uses this method.

General Procedures:

• Each step applies to both of you, not just the speaker.
• No cross talk!
• During inner silence, abandon your responses. Simply tune in and let go of anything that comes up.
• Each person’s speaking turn lasts for one to three minutes.
• If a person is shy about sharing, just wait. Don’t move on immediately. They may just need time.

Preparation: You can lead a guided meditation, visualization, or other process and discuss your experiences as the topic. You can listen to an inspirational video or speaker, and use the Chrysalis to discuss what you learned. Or you can take turns choosing a topic that’s important to you, which could be a problem, a goal, any situation in your life, or your life’s mission.

Select one person to ring the chime or announce the steps. If you’re the host, this would be you.

Process:

Step 1:     Remind people about the topic, lead the guided meditation, or one person shares their issue. This will be the topic. Decide who’s going to speak first. You’ll go around the circle thereafter, everyone speaking in their turn.

Step 2:     Ring the chime and say, “Acknowledge thoughts and feelings.” Silently, everyone in the room notices their automatic reactions. Don’t say what they are. Just notice them.

Step 3:    (Chime) Say, “Inner silence.” Let go of the reactions you noticed in step 2. Empty your mind for four deep breaths. (You’ll need at least thirty seconds of inner silence to quiet the amygdale.) Don’t plan your comments. Don’t try to remember the important points. Just be empty.

Step 4:     (Chime) Say, “Collect thoughts.” Everyone thinks about the topic meditatively for several breaths.

Note: If you were unable to be inwardly silent during step 3, you’ve already collected your thoughts. Use step 4 for inner silence. Don’t skip it, even if you have to do it at an irregular time.

Step 5:     (Chime) Say, “Articulate.” The first person verbalizes his or her thoughts for one to three minutes or so. If you’re listening, you just listen from the empty, meditative place from step 3. Don’t respond. Save comments for later or for the Parking Lot, which is at the end of the meeting.

(If it’s a personal topic, that person should share their issue, goal, or concern before the Chrysalis begins. Everyone else speaks in the Chrysalis before they speak again. In other words, in a group of four, the person bringing the topic will speak before the Chrysalis starts and then fourth within the Chrysalis.)

Step 6:     (Chime) After the first person says they’re finished, say, “Acknowledge thoughts and feelings.” Everyone silently notices their automatic reactions.

Step 7:     (Chime) “Inner silence.” No matter whose turn it is, everyone empties their minds. The point of this step is to let go of your automatic actions and mentally go to zero.

Step 8:     (Chime) “Collect thoughts.” Everyone contemplates the topic meditatively.

Step 9:     (Chime) “Articulate.” The second person verbalizes.

Step 10:  Continue with these four steps for each person— until the conversation has gone on for at least ten to twelve “Articulates.” With six people, this gives each person two “Articulate” steps. Really, this is enough.

Step 11:  The Remembrance Round: When you’re finished, set a timer for five minutes. Everyone writes an answer to the question: “What have you gained for yourself from this?” If you like, email your responses to the Joyful Wisdom Community Google Group.

Step 12:  After everyone’s finished writing, chime and say, “Final inner silence.”

Step 13:  (Chime) Say, “Create an intention.” Each person says, “I choose…” in random order. Ring the chime between choices.

Step 14:  When no one has any more choices or intentions, proceed immediately into the Acknowledgment Round.

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On this page, please leave any comments and questions you wish to leave. I’m especially interested in reports about:

• Your experiences that will help new users understand how to use this method and what its benefits are.
• Things that you have learned that can help others to make this method work more effectively.

If you’re exploring a specific issue that you’d like to share, please post it to the Joyful Wisdom Community Google Group.  Email me to request an invitation to this Google Group.

Thank you.