I’m pretty skillful at creating really useful and organized to-do lists. It’s the crossing off part that causes me problems.
(This humor blog is not prejudiced against old age. At 66 years of age, some would say that I’m just a few houses down the block from death’s door myself. I don’t have many years left to make old age jokes. So get over yourselves.)
Matilda is 102, and she has finally accepted the idea that computers are not just a fad like hula-hoops. Seventy-five-year-old Gertrude had finally convinced her friend Matilda to start using a computer (during her regular volunteer work at the nursing home) by showing her cute kitten videos on YouTube. Two days later, Gertrude’s phone rang. Continue reading
A few months ago, I was really challenged by clutter, and when I tried to face the piles of unfiled papers, I would run screaming. Finally, I gave myself the ultimately ultimate ultimatum. Until I at least clean up that pile of papers and junk in the corner, No More Chocolate!!!
So I worked on that pile for several days, organizing, filing, and throwing things out—which was the hardest part. That’s when I made the discovery. I found my piano.
I began playing the piano again, after years of neglect. And I’m obsessive. I practice for hours, determined to regain my former glory. It won’t be long before I’ve finally perfected my first masterpiece once again: Chop Sticks.
I’ll invite you all over when I’m ready. We’ll have a potluck, and after we’re relaxed, and I’m sure everyone is comfortable, I’ll play my piece. But don’t worry, I’ll let you all know when to applaud.
It’ll be great! I can’t wait!
Be sure to read Cougar’s longer, more serious humor:
(Blog with Jokes) Use the Applause Technique to Change Habits & Increase Self-Esteem
(Blog with Jokes) What’s So Special about the Heart Chakra
All names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this blog are fictitious. For instance, Tom in this story does not resemble anyone you have ever known or will know—in the past, in the present, or in the future on earth or on any of the seventeen known spiritual planes. And no one but a fictitious character would put up with someone like me being so damned Yoda as I was in this story. No identification with actual persons, places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Besides which, it has to be fictional because I’m not a video camera. Continue reading
I developed the Applause Technique as a gift to my wife. I knew that one of the traditional concerns of many women is that men leave the toilet seat up. Ashara wasn’t complaining about this habit of mine any more, but I knew that it had once been a concern.
At the very least, by changing this habit, I’ve at long last given her something about me to brag about. Continue reading
Table of Contents
Is Your Clarity & Sense of Purpose a Delusion?
Have you ever felt like your future suddenly came into clear focus? Suddenly, you knew what you were supposed to do with your life, as if your guardian angel had descended from the heavens and handed you your personalized marching orders? I believe I’m not the only person in the world who has felt this on occasion.
On the other hand, do you remember who Walter Mitty is? In 1939, the New Yorker published The Secret Life of Walter Mitty by humorist James Thurber, the story of an insignificant and oppressed loser who embellishes his sorry life with constant daydreams of heroism, fame, status, and power. This made such an impact on our society that it was made into a 1947 film (with Danny Kaye) and a 2013 film (with Ben Stiller, Kristen Wiig, Shirley MacLaine, and Kathryn Hahn). Continue reading
Frequently when I talk about inner silence and meditation, I run into someone who says, “Don’t talk to me about meditation. I can’t meditate.” So I know that this is a real problem for a significant number of people. (For the purpose of this blog, the term “meditation” refers to the process of focusing on a single thing, such as the breath, a mantra, or a mandala.)
Since I have identified inner silence as one of the superpowers that’s available to everyone, I want to help, so I’ve regularly asked these people what they mean. I think that the problem is a misunderstanding, and that’s my fault and the fault of others who study and teach various forms of meditation.
Read more about why you’re great at meditating, even if you think you can’t do it.